The weather today is miserable so going outside is not possible unless I want to freeze off portions of my body. I decided to stay in with the big dog this morning and spent a few hours drawing, something I haven't had time to do in a LONG time.

The following is the result, though not completely finished yet :)

I've had a terrible case of the bah-humbugs the last month or so and for the third year in a row I'm stuck in PA during the only vacation I get. Being an atheist, I don't celebrate the holidays as I presume most people do, but I do enjoy seeing my family and having a bit of time away from both work and school. To put it bluntly, I'm tired. I'm tired of constantly defending my decision to further my education instead of "settling down and marring like a proper woman." [tried that, but I guess they forget that little fact]. I'm tired of listening to people tell me how selfish I'm being by not deciding to be [or accidently becoming] a mother. I'm tired of my boyfriend reminding me how great HIS kids are. I'm tired of false friends and a cut-throat work environment.

Sigh.. it's good to vent, but I guess I'm not all negative today. My data are looking FABULOUS and I've purposed a few ideas for new projects which might take hold in the next few months. I'm working on a grant with Dr Boss that is due in a few months. I'm in the process of working on a manuscript and hope to have my very first publication in the next year. The work situation I mentioned in a previous post allows me more time to work on myself in ways I have neglected over the last several years. Did you know PSU has 3 gyms?!?! My boss is allowing me to help with a graduate class she team teaches every spring, and I'm probably going to guest lecture again next semester. I might get the opportunity to teach my first class this coming summer (not assist or guest lecture but actually run the class!!!!).

The title of this blog is from a song by Cage the Elephant, and if you haven't heard it yet, I highly recommend it. It's quite catchy and is how I feel most of the time when working in a lab. There is no rest for those who choose to do something with their lives, even if others don't understand why we picked the path of never ending deadlines. Someone once told me that working in science is very much like chasing Alice's white rabbit. You never really catch it or find a final destination, one discovery leads to another and then another and in the end we all home the journey was worth it all.

... back to the never ending stack of journal articles.

I guess some of the PIs here at PSU decided to do a little house cleaning before the new year. I've heard a few students received pink slips during their end of the year meeting with their advisor, and know one of those involved personally, since she works in a nearby lab. This individual worked in this particular lab for the last year. She ended up being accepted into this lab when the lab she committed to was no longer available. Before you start feeling too bad for her, she was asking a labmate of mine how we could possibly get through the day without a nap. She then proceeded to tell this person that she goes to the library for 2-3 hours every day and takes a nap on one of the couches there. . . .

Even though her work wasn't up to par, and she made the same LARGE mistake twice, I didn't realize this was something a PI would consider. How common is it to "let go" a student who isn't performing to their expectations? I know money is tight here at PSU right now, and the probability of this person finding a new lab is not very good, but still slightly possible. If she doesn't find a lab I assume she has to quite the program or change majors? She is in her second year now, so she is almost through with classes.

. . . Lots to ponder I guess. I'm off to walk the big dog!

My internet has been pretty spotty lately, so my posts will be sporadic until my rental agency can get things worked out.

In other news, my defense has been moved all the way to February, which really screwed me over. I have to enroll in one hour next semester, putting me below full time. I can't enroll in more hours than that, because my advisor is trying to save money by not paying for more tuition than is required, since I am done with all course requirements. This drop in enrollment means my student loans have to be paid back. I'm going to contact the loan agency and see if I can extend my grace period (won't be full time again until August).

To top everything off, I'm getting paid the same amount I am now. I'm paid for 20 hours a week but am expected to work 40 hours (minimum). When I'm taking classes this is something I expect, and understand it's my job while in school to get the work done, but now that I'm being classified as a tech I'm leaning toward working 30 hours instead of the 50 or so I do now. This amount means I'm making little more than minimum wage with a BS, RD, two MS degrees and 2.5 years of training in this lab.... Did I mention their deal also excluded insurance ... I know I should be thankful that I am getting a stipend at all this coming semester, but it still pisses me off. I could make more working for Wal-Mart.

I'm pretty irritated at the moment since it was discussed that I would make more than twice this amount only a month ago. What changed you ask? My committee couldn't agree on a time to meet for reasons I am too frustrated to go into at the moment. grrrrrrr

My committee evidently can't stand the sight of each other, because I've found it nearly impossible for them to all agree on a time and date. Initially I was to defend tomorrow, but due to schedule changes with a particular committee member, it had to be moved back to some time around December 9th. This means I'm not going to be able to walk during the December commencement ceremony, but that I will still graduate this semester. The problem seems even more confounded now in that one member doesn't want to come the week of Thanksgiving (which I understand, though the university doesn't close and we therefor don't get off until Thursday, most people take the whole week off since classes are canceled). This was the only time member number two and Dr Boss could come. They are all currently arguing about when it should be in December. Dr Boss is out of town until that Monday, but the other committee members have opposing schedules--one wants the morning the other the afternoon.

--sigh--

Well it's finally here! The semi-final draft of my thesis is due for distribution to my committee this Friday. I'm a little nervous, but as a whole I'm just ready to get it over with! The sickness fairy visited me this weekend, and it seems as though I've got the onset of a rather nasty case of strep, so I hope I'm still able to speak come late this week (practice run with my lab on Friday).

I've still got a small amount of data collection I'm finishing up today, and believe I contracted my current illness from some jack-ass who insisted on hacking all over the only computer with a software program I need to analyze my data. This is the same person who eats in the room where they sacrifice mice, and were we all process bone samples. Gross, I know.

Okay, I just got back from the Halloween store and have realized multiple things in the past few years. 1.) Halloween is an excuse for college age girls to wear the equivalent of lingerie in public and it's totally acceptable, 2.) Kids still get to dress in fun costumes and have a great time begging for candy from strangers. What I didn't realize is that many of the generation from item number one have now reproduced, and found it appropriate to dress their small child up as the equivalent of a pedophiles prayers being answered, then parade the underdressed child around in public.

The Halloween store in my area keeps the makeup and costume accessories with the children's and pre-teen costumes. While browsing the isles waiting on the people I was with to finish shopping I noticed the following: a geisha wrap showing both underwear and LOTS of cleavage, a "Naughty Alice" outfit, a "Naughty Schoolgirl" outfit and several others along the same trend. At first I thought someone must have stocked the costumes from the adult section into the "youth" costumes, but alas, I was mistaken and they were marketed for the 12+ age bracket.

To me, an adult who decides to run around in angel wings and a skirt short enough to leave nothing to the imagination is completely fine, because they are technically old enough to make their own decisions. When did parents become okay with their pre-teen daughter running around town in the same outfit??

I guess I'm just getting old. . . [sigh]

I wrote recently of a problem my friend SmartGrad is having with a new PostDoc in her lab (nicknamed Dr AssHat). I finally managed to catch up with my fellow student of science and was shocked to hear of several more recent incidences with Dr AH. It seems as though things progressively got worse and ended in a verbal assault the likes of which SmartGrad had never experienced by a supervisor. According to my friend, he not only yelled at things that happened while she was away from lab, but also included personal attacks on her character and physical appearance. For those that are not aware, my friend is barely over 5 feet tall and very petite in nature and from what she told me, I believe he ridiculed her stature, something she is already incredibly sensitive about and in no way can change. She collected herself for a moment after the ranting of Dr AH, then left the room. Upon returning later he started in right where he left off and my friend finally retaliated before stating she felt it best they not be around each other right now and left the lab.

SmartGrad then went to her [female] PI and told her the things AssHat said. The PI's response, "Women live by a double standard in this industry, and this is something you're going to have to get used to. A man can have a bad day and go off on you and it's because he's having a bad day, you shouldn't have retaliated at all because to everyone else, it looks like you can't separate your emotions from your work and handle things in a professional way." SmartGrad asked her, "Am I not allowed a bad day, or even to defend myself from unjustified criticism if done in a tactful non-personal way?" Her advisors response: No, you're not and you can't.

My friend said the worse part wasn't that her advisor didn't want to do anything for fear of seeming to favor her female employee (an example she gave SmartGrad), but that Dr AssHat now KNOWS he can get away with behavior life this and she has no doubt it will occur again. She seemed defeated when I spoke to her, and no matter my attempt at comfort, she said it's just something she has to live with until she graduates. SmartGrad said she understood that it is sometimes more difficult for a female scientist in the world of basic science, but thought the rules of personal courteousness applied to everyone, regardless of gender.

I have TAd and guest lectured for multiple classes throughout my time in academia, but only recently have I realized all the work that goes into a single course. For those that are not aware, I'm taking a course on university teaching this semester, and as a result had to prepare a block of material for a course using only the accreditation requirements set by our governing body. I then worked with the instructor to make sure my slides covered the material appropriately, included a number of outside sources and the level was adequate for an introductory course.

It took FOREVER to go through all the material and I FINALLY had a good number of lectures prepared. The action of teaching on a more than "single serving" of material was quite different from preparing a presentation on a topic you already know a lot about. Granted, I knew a lot about the section of material I presented, but knowing what was important or sufficient for a freshman/sophomore level class was very challenging. Since I am somewhat of a glutton for punishment, I agreed to teach two different sections of the same level course.

The students in one of the smaller sections (125 students, referred to as class A) really were interactive, and obviously seemed to enjoy my lectures, while the students in the second larger section (225 students, referred to as class B) were nearly comatose. The students in class A liked to be involved and I was even approached by many of them after class. Class B was the complete and utter opposite. The students didn't participate unless forced and those that did were slightly confrontational (not a touchy subject I was lecturing over, while Class A was introduced to eating disorders??!?). Class B seemed as though they only wanted to passively hear the material and then leave, and they had anonymity on their side. In a class that large, there is no way for me to tell the professor who participated or not, though she asked me to update her when I'm through. I have a strong feeling those who participated with me are the same ones who do so with her and the teacher is irrelevant of their desire to interact.

Is it a difference in the way the class was structured until I stepped in, halfway through the semester? There are aspects from each instructors' take on teaching this material that I would really like to incorporate into my own classroom, but they are both, in and of themselves, not close to my teaching style. I'd love to talk to a Doc who is currently teaching and find out their take on the matter, granting you of course have the time to be harassed by a bear for a few minutes.

This was a learning experience, and I am definitely going to modify a few items before I start teaching this summer.

Things I learned:

1. I am not the normal student. Complex thought questions seem to be above a lot of the students in these classes (a freshman level general health requirement). If not specifically stated that A results in B, only about 10-20% of the class understand this intuitively when given all the pieces they need to put the picture together.


2. Students really enjoy engaging, interactive professors, regardless of the course material. I found this out from a survey I gave to Class A (more info on this later).


3. Only a small number of intro students understand how to study, and how to pick out the important information from a lecture. MANY of the students were so concerned with filling in the very few blanks on their notes, or writing EVERYTHING down that they missed the big picture.


4. What works with one group of students, might not work in the same course with another group of students (either due to the background of the students, or a fluctuation in the number of students). I saw this to a small degree in the different sections I've been teaching (but think that is more dependent on the actual instructors teaching style and what they are used to). A PI in my department teaches an advanced metabolism course required by all of our majors, and actually had one semester of students who where just NOT GETTING what she wanted. She modified her teaching technique to some extent, but they complained constantly about the level of the material, even though previous groups were fine.


5. Teaching is something I enjoy, but underestimated the time needed to truly be prepared for a class.

Science Bear has an interesting question for all of the doctoral holding individuals who frequent the cave. I'm currently winding down my life in graduate school, and have stumbled upon an interesting ideology held by several other people I know. Since most of my current work involves finishing a few more experiments (typically on weekends due to demand for equipment) and fleshing out my thesis, I've chosen to stay home and write. My PI is okay with this, so long as she sees progress. When I mentioned my recent work to a few individuals, they act as though this shouldn't be allowed?!?

What is your opinion on "working from home" both for graduate students and for faculty?

This seems to work quite well for me. I can't stand the constant noise of a language I don't understand, or people chatting loudly from across the room at each other (once again, in a language I don't understand). This is incredibly distracting for me and as all of you have probably noticed, writing is not exactly my strong-suite so I need to concentrate to be effective. While I am not physically sitting at my desk, I ration out what needs to be done, and how long each task should take. I allow myself short breaks every hour and tend to be very productive on my days outside of lab.

I do sometimes walk my dog in the middle of the day or write a post on here (if I'm ahead of schedule) but I decrease my lunch time in order to do this, or I work while eating. This bear is completely aware that not everyone would actually work when they say they are going to, but why does this have such a bad stigma attached? I can't be the only graduate student who has ever worked on their thesis outside of their bench in lab, right? I would think this is especially true when already working every weekend, or am I mistaken?